Archive | May 2012

If today was all I knew…

If today was all I knew this is what I would remember…

That my horse loves me and is there to support and guide me always

That dreams and wishes do come true, just not always in the way we expect them

It is ok to make mistakes, to feel sick, and to fumble every now and again

There is nothing in life you cannot be and there is nothing stopping you from being who you are

We have no idea what we are capable of as spirits and as human beings

That I am so much more than I know

That I get to choose what I believe in

That being on the farm with the horses in nature is where I will always want to be

That everywhere I look there is wisdom, it is up to me to see it

That there is nothing to be afraid of because I have within me what I need to protect myself and to keep myself safe

The only world that matters is the one I create within myself

That I need to trust what I know without second guessing myself, it is in the second guessing that we get lost

Follow my bliss

That it is ok to be happy…still working on that one

That I am worthy of love…

That if something is meant to be it will be…always and there is always a greater plan that exists for us all…

Today is my birthday….

Today is my birthday a day I both look forward to and dread at the same time.  As the days were speeding forward to this day I wished they would stop.  It is not that I don’t like getting older it is just the day seems to come and go so quickly and I wish to stop time so I can savor this day and really appreciate and soak up all the joy and love I receive on this day.

Last night before I went to bed last night I reflected on this past year, what I am most proud of, what I am grateful for and what I learned.  It was such a wonderful thing to do with myself because I was really able to see all the amazing things I accomplished this year and how far I came.  I then wrote down the things I wish for myself this year, what I want to accomplish, to experience and to be. Allowing myself to think big and throw things out there because you never know what can come of the wishes we throw out in the universe.

Last night I also got some news on a facility I had been hoping to move into to really begin to build a space where people could come and experience the wisdom and teachings of the horse.  It was not such good news or so appearance would seem but I know and I trust everything is unfolding exactly the way it is meant to.  That the path may not always seem clear to us, and is always full of turns and twists but there is a higher order and a higher power that is guiding us and that I all I can do is trust and believe I am in good hands.  So that is what I am choosing to believe today and onwards from here, that although appearances may be that I lost something the truth is there is a greater plan in store for me and that miracles do exist, prayers are answered and that this is exactly how things are supposed to be unfolding right now.

What I am grateful for is the tremendous amounts of love and support I have, the incredible gift of community and friendship that has blessed my life and really how truly loved I am by not only my friend but by my family who love and cherish me and who I am so grateful that they are the family I choose to be born into.

On this day for myself I am reminded of the free- spirited joyful little girl I was, who believed that anything was possible and that dreams came true. She was fearless, loving, open and adventurous and today is a day in which I play with her and live my life from her spirited and innocent eyes. How I remember my worth and begin to really see the beauty that is me.  Today I rejoice that I am alive and well with much to be grateful for and many blessings to thank even the ones I can’t see!

Wherever you are and whomever you be if you are know this, don’t wait for your birthday to give yourself the gift of joy, of love and of belief.  It can be yours now and everyday if you choose you never know what could happen if you do!

How do I trust….

I have been here before, this steep chapel hill I am staring at wondering how in the world I am going to climb it.  I take a deep breath close my eyes and open again and become astonished as now it appears I am looking down on the hill and am on the chapel instead of looking up.  How did that happen? In the moment that I closed my eyes and took a deep breath I surrendered to the journey to the work that is involved to climb the hill and magically just that act transported me to the place I wanted to go.

What do I learn in all this, it is not our job to do all the work, to figure out how we are going to make it, get to the place we want to go or take ourselves there all on our own.  Our jobs are to have a dream and do  everything we can do to believe in that dream to trust the process and all spirit to do the rest.

I remember saying this a couple of months ago after I found myself here and had manifested a wonderful opportunity, I promise I will never doubt again. I promise I will believe and trust in divine timing and trust that everything will work out the way it is meant to. I trust.

Here I am 3 months later or perhaps 4 and faced with another opportunity to exercise trust and I find myself doubting again.  I remembered that promise I made while I was driving and so doing whatever it is I can to muster all the strength I can to simply let go and allow and to trust so that my dreams will come true.  It is a funny world we live in, a funny place we create with our thoughts and our beliefs.  I have been reflecting on that lately noticing the distractions the worries I create in my mind, the control I seek to have over my life, the fear of not having enough.  Then again on my drive home last night I came up with this thought, if I needed more I would have it, perhaps I have exactly what I need in this moment to make this happen, perhaps there is nothing I need to fear and perhaps all I need to do is let go and believe.  So that is where I intend to stand, in that place of believing of trusting and letting go.  It is not easy but perhaps if I just close my eyes and take a deep breath the way will become clear in a way I never thought it would.

 

Last night I dreamed about killer whales or orca’s as they are sometimes called. I dream of them often or have over the last couple of years this time I was waiting or watching in a bay and a young whale came, I remember feeling excited at seeing him, he slapped his tail a couple of times and I watched at how a pod came swimming in, it took my breath away to see them and I could feel how excited I was that they were there again.  I remembered one had a fin that was bent over while the rest had their fins up. Whales in captivity will have their dorsal fin bent no one knows why this happens, some part of me is still captive perhaps and I wonder which one. Then my dog jumped into the water and I jumped after him pulling him away so the whales didn’t get him, they didn’t, I wonder what my dog represents perhaps the fearlessness and the youth of my psyche that wants to jump right in and trusts that whatever dangers are there before me, there will be someone jumping in after me pulling me out of harms way.  Or perhaps it is a message to leap boldly into the unknown into the water with the whales and trust that it will all be the way it is meant to be.  So here I go leaping away!  Here’s to dreams, believing, to magic and to all those that carry me forward on their backs that I may not always be able to see.