How do I trust….

I have been here before, this steep chapel hill I am staring at wondering how in the world I am going to climb it.  I take a deep breath close my eyes and open again and become astonished as now it appears I am looking down on the hill and am on the chapel instead of looking up.  How did that happen? In the moment that I closed my eyes and took a deep breath I surrendered to the journey to the work that is involved to climb the hill and magically just that act transported me to the place I wanted to go.

What do I learn in all this, it is not our job to do all the work, to figure out how we are going to make it, get to the place we want to go or take ourselves there all on our own.  Our jobs are to have a dream and do  everything we can do to believe in that dream to trust the process and all spirit to do the rest.

I remember saying this a couple of months ago after I found myself here and had manifested a wonderful opportunity, I promise I will never doubt again. I promise I will believe and trust in divine timing and trust that everything will work out the way it is meant to. I trust.

Here I am 3 months later or perhaps 4 and faced with another opportunity to exercise trust and I find myself doubting again.  I remembered that promise I made while I was driving and so doing whatever it is I can to muster all the strength I can to simply let go and allow and to trust so that my dreams will come true.  It is a funny world we live in, a funny place we create with our thoughts and our beliefs.  I have been reflecting on that lately noticing the distractions the worries I create in my mind, the control I seek to have over my life, the fear of not having enough.  Then again on my drive home last night I came up with this thought, if I needed more I would have it, perhaps I have exactly what I need in this moment to make this happen, perhaps there is nothing I need to fear and perhaps all I need to do is let go and believe.  So that is where I intend to stand, in that place of believing of trusting and letting go.  It is not easy but perhaps if I just close my eyes and take a deep breath the way will become clear in a way I never thought it would.

 

Last night I dreamed about killer whales or orca’s as they are sometimes called. I dream of them often or have over the last couple of years this time I was waiting or watching in a bay and a young whale came, I remember feeling excited at seeing him, he slapped his tail a couple of times and I watched at how a pod came swimming in, it took my breath away to see them and I could feel how excited I was that they were there again.  I remembered one had a fin that was bent over while the rest had their fins up. Whales in captivity will have their dorsal fin bent no one knows why this happens, some part of me is still captive perhaps and I wonder which one. Then my dog jumped into the water and I jumped after him pulling him away so the whales didn’t get him, they didn’t, I wonder what my dog represents perhaps the fearlessness and the youth of my psyche that wants to jump right in and trusts that whatever dangers are there before me, there will be someone jumping in after me pulling me out of harms way.  Or perhaps it is a message to leap boldly into the unknown into the water with the whales and trust that it will all be the way it is meant to be.  So here I go leaping away!  Here’s to dreams, believing, to magic and to all those that carry me forward on their backs that I may not always be able to see.

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