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The Bright Spark

There is a stirring happening inside of me.  A spark an energy that has been lying dormant waiting again for its time to come alive once again.  The time has come, the fire is returning, the spark awakening.  The feeling is palpable as if a current of energy is crackling around me, stirring me to life creating a magnetic force around me.  I dare not turn it away.  I dare not tell it to go back asleep back to a safe place where I can keep it hidden.  I do not dare. It would cost me too much. I know this now.  The cost is to high one that I am not willing to take, to chance, to play with.  It scares me this energy I won’t lie.  I am terrified of it, of the things it is making me want to do, that it is pushing me towards and yet I a part of me welcomes it. It laps it up, hungry for it, yearning for the flames to lick away the wounds that have long since gone away.  This is what terrifies me, the feeling of eagerness to let this spark, this fire to lead me to guide me further in my purpose and in my path.  I have played it safe for far too long, afraid of setting things in motion, afraid of what others would think, afraid of how irrevocably my life would be changed, afraid to leave this box I have created for myself, the comfort zone I have dared not leave.  Great things cannot be accomplished by playing it safe, transformation does not occur within in the confines of the boxes we have created for ourselves to live in.  What is this life meant for if not to take chances, risk, to be bold and to stretch ourselves beyond what we think we are capable of.

I was reminded of this very act this weekend while attending a workshop, a workshop where I was stretched, challenged and given an excuse to play a role I don’t normally play.  I was given an opportunity to step outside my comfort zone, to tap into an energy that I had been running from for far to long.  The results were beyond anything I could have imagined. I felt free, I felt good I felt a sense of smugness from that source that said see what were you so worried about.  I was brilliant, engaged, strong and I was powerful.  All without losing the gentleness I so appreciate about who I am.  All without losing the love I strive to keep in everything I do.  This workshop blew apart any excuses I had given myself as to why I couldn’t let this spark out, it blew apart the box I had been hiding in and blew apart any illusion I had been painting for my life. ( For those who interested into what workshop this was it was the Meet the Model workshop put on by The Coach Training Institute well worth checking out!)

I left the workshop feeling alive in ways I have not been alive in a long time, a part of me had been awakened more fully to the surface of my being.  A new spark has emerged has taken a hold of my heart in ways I can’t really begin to explain.  My world is colored different, my perspectives have changed, I have found a sense of courage and freedom that I have been praying to find for a long time.  A sense that I can really do all that I wish to achieve and to be and even a willingness to take a chance to play bold and step out of my safe place that I have stayed hidden in for a long time.  I don’t know what it’s going to look like and at this point I don’t really care what I do know is this, I will never know how far I can go unless I try.  I will never know what I can become if I don’t at least take a step towards what I want to be.  I won’t ever know how rich this life can really be unless I use the wings I have been given and fly.  As a wise woman once said to me,  you have wings use them!