In the name of love

What does it mean to love? Today on valentine’s day I ponder that.  What it truly means and feels like to love and be loved.

I consider myself a romantic, a lover, someone who believes in love in fairytales and happy endings, but I question to myself what I really know about being in love, of feeling love’s embrace and knowing it purely in my heart.

I love my family, my friends and I know they love me.  I love my animals, my dog Luca and horse Indra, to me they are the air that I breathe. I love my life, I love nature I love.  So what feels like it is beyond my reach? I thought I had been in love before but from where I am today looking back I can’t say that it was love I was truly feeling.

The love I miss the most, is the love I feel for myself.  In theory I know that this is the most important love there is and in theory I would like to believe that I love myself.  But the truth is I don’t think I really know how, or really do as much as I crave to or desire to.  I watched myself the last couple of days, paying close attention to the thoughts running around in my brain.  They weren’t pretty, and I wonder the cause of such harshness upon myself.  This year was meant to be a year in which I showed more kindness and love towards myself.  Where I spoke words of compassion, forgiveness and trust to my internal self instead of judgements, lies, and criticism something that I am oh so good at.

Today is Valentine’s day and as a romantic you would think that I loved today, that I lived for today, look forward to it.  Truthfully to me there is nothing romantic about valentine’s day because I believe you should be loving everyday of the year not just one.  To me it feels fake, made up, an excuse of sorts that if for one day you shower others with love, chocolate and candy it makes everything else ok.  Love should be celebrated all year round, with every breathe you take, every step that you make and with every gesture you hand out.  Love should weave itself consciously into our lives on every occasion not just one.  If love makes the world go round why is it not something we practice more regularly.

My life seems chaotic in this moment as I stress about how to make my business grow, what to do, how rapidly my life seems to change,  I get so caught up in the overwhelm, the stress, the doings that it is so easy to slip back into old patterns of harshness.  There is a part of me that is begging for me to let things go, to do my best to live in the present moment, love myself and let the rest unfold before me.  The other part is screaming to hold on, to fight, to work, to strive, to succeed.  Where is the middle line? Where is the balance. I am balancing on the tightest of ropes now hanging on by a thread, I am sure if I looked down I would see that there was no reason to dangle because there is land at my feet.  So why do I? I read something on a card I pulled a couple of days ago, your life doesn’t need to be healed, it needs only to be loved.  So here I am dangling on this thread two feet on the ground, looking like a fool when maybe all I need to do is let go, let the ground catch me and trust it will all be ok.  Mix that with a little bit of love and perhaps I will figure this life out after all…



The path of the wolf in partnership with the moon

The wolf has shown it’s mighty self in my heart and in my spirit.  It is waiting for me to heed it’s call and summons and follow his lead to the teachings and wisdom that awaits me.

I have been feeling the emotional turbulence in my spirit for the last few days, not knowing exactly what has brought it on but knowing intuitively that I am entering another period of change and self-growth.  Again..It never ends.  Last night before I went to bed my eye caught the poster of the snow leopard that hangs above my dresser that reminds me of my inner strength and light.  As I looked at the face of the leopard I could see it begin to morph into a wolf. How the eyes began to glow and the snout began to lengthen.  I could feel the energy of the wolf emanating in my room in my spirit and the calling of the teacher come to wake me once again.

When I am feeling conflict internally I often look to my oracle cards to help my clarify what is going on at a deeper level and present an objective perspective to what is happening inside of me.  Today I turned to my Spirit of the wheel mediation deck that looks to the elements, the four directions, moon, sun and animals as  a way to provide guidance. I choose to do a layout that would give me an in depth look at what was unfolding in my life and watched as the first three cards I pulled all had the image and energy of the wolf. Not surprising but none the less powerful.  The wolf is an animal that has visited me often on my path as I share the energy of teacher with this wise being.  The wolf brings my attention to my gifts and purpose as teacher and how it is time now to let that wisdom be shared with others. How now is the time for recognition of this call and heeding its voice on my soul, I can no longer turn a blind ear or eye to the beatings of my heart and call of my higher self.

I am embarking on a period in my life where I am stepping out more fully than before, taking on more responsibility and doing my part to share my light to raise the vibration of earth and those that are guided to me.  It is a terrifying concept and path that I have chosen to walk and some days I want nothing else then to crawl into my bed and hide from it all. Go back to being just a girl of little importance and who has the ability to stay hidden, safe and not out in the open exposed and vulnerable.  I am an intensely private person by nature holding close to myself to protect myself from hurt and harm. I am a sensitive soul that is affected deeply by the energy of others, I also have much to share and an abundance of wisdom that flows through me in a constant stream of energy. Sometimes it is so overwhelming that I can feel as if I want to explode. It is because this wisdom needs an outlet needs channel to be directed too and I have been closing off this channel because I am afraid.  I don’t want to lose myself, I don’t want to lose my innocence, my purity, my inner child that so fiercely wants to just be to play and be surrounding by those she holds dear. Sometimes I feel as if the burden is too much to bear that I have to be this person all the time a person of strength, of wisdom, of knowing when all I want is to just be me with no expectations and the freedom that being brings.  Perhaps I can be both and that it is my own inner demons that tell me likewise. This is what I am discovering and uncovering while I embark on another journey into myself.  I can feel the depth and the magnitude to what this new growth will bring me, I only hope that I will do it justice and I will be able to fulfill what it is I am meant to fulfill not just for myself but the lives of those I touch with my words…

Day 31: The gift of new beginnings

The sun is shining upon a new dawn.

I take with me all the new learnings that I have gained during this past year and all the journey’s that it encompassed.

Feeling full of the light being ushered through me as I enter into a new phase, welcoming the love that is here to guide me.

Feeling refreshed and new, and able to greet this new dawn with an open heart full of what is possible.

I celebrate the ability to receive this new energy, this new beginning and trust that through it all I will be supported, loved, empowered and uplifted.

I send this out to the world to the earth and all those that are open to receive it. May all of our dreams and wishes come true beyond anything we could have imagined.

In love and light

Day 30: The gift of authenticity

Today I celebrate the gift of authenticity and what that brings into my life.

Authenticity allows me to have deep and meaningful relationships with others, myself and the world around me.

Authenticity allows me to stand strong in myself, what I stand for and what I bring forth into the world.

Being authentic creates a pride in my actions, my words and my intentions that I spread into the world.

Being authentic means I feel good about my choices and who I show up as in relationships and in all areas in my life.

Authenticity brings truth, clarity, and a rightness to my life and my whole self.

Being authentic means I live without regrets, that I am able to look back on my life with pride knowing I did what I could to to stay true to myself, being authentic means I am in a state of vulnerability, that I am honest to myself and to the world.  That by being authentic I create the space for others to do so as well.

Authenticity brings me to a place of empowerment, of strength and of freedom. It allows me to fly unburdened into the sky’s of my dreams and look back and see the path that I walked is one laced with lightness and purity of heart and soul.

Day 29: The gift of trust

The gift of trust.

Today I honor the gift of trust of trusting myself, my path, my animals and the universe to balance out the things that are in need to be balanced out.

Today I honor that ability to trust the process, to trust others and to step back and allow what is meant to happen to happen.

Today I celebrate what trusting brings to me, peace, balance, harmony, freedom and joy.

Trust allows me to be in a space where I am open to change, where I can be present to what is happening in the moment and to where I trust those around me.

The ability to trust is the ability to flow within the natural state that is who we are, to be in tune with nature and our natural selves and to allow our hearts to lead the way.

Day 28: The gift of fear

Fear is not always a foe, in fact in many cases fear can be a friend and a gift even.

What gift has fear given me?  Fear has given me the gift of staying the course, of knowing my truth and of following the path of the heart.

Sometimes when fear arises there is a message there for us, in some cases fear is there to caution us from going down a path that is not for us, that will not serve us and will do us harm.

Fear can teach us how to listen to our bodies to discern the messages that it gives us and know when to head its message or to continue forward.  Fear teaches us many things and like anything we wish to conquer it must first be embraced.

The first time I listened to fear and tuned into it’s message I was surprised.  I was surprised how wise it was and how much relief I felt once I listened to it’s guidance.  Do not be fooled however or make excuses for yourself or blame fear when it is your mind that is creating false illusions to block your path.

It is why it is important to tune into the fear to know if it comes from your place of heart or from your head.

Fear has given me the gift of knowing the difference between the two, knowing when it speaks the truth or when it is preventing me from moving to my truth.

Today I celebrate all the gifts fear has given me even the ones I was afraid of listening too.

Day 27: The gift of knowing

How do you know?

How do you know when the timing is right

When the path that you are looking at is the right one to travel on?

How do you know when the stars have aligned?

When you have met your soulmate?

When you have connected with your purpose?

How do you know that all will be well, that everything will unfold before you as it is meant?

How do you know the right words to say, the time to say it and how to speak it?

How do you know where to look for the answers?

How do you know if your heart is your guide? Or if you are being guided by your head?

How do you know?

Today I celebrate the gift of knowing, that comes from simply knowing and trusting the guidance you feel. Today I celebrate the ability of not questioning the knowing and following what you feel is true in you heart.

Today I celebrate the ability to know when I know and to know the source in which the knowing comes from.

Today I celebrate this, I may never know how, when, where or why but I do this, it is the knowing of my truth that has got me this far and continues to guide the way ahead.